I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
