So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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