She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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