they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
That accounts for only three of the penises
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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