I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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