You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
