I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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