I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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