Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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