I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
