I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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