i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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