Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
