hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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