Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
