I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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