so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
