i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
