when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
