Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
