I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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