he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
