"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
