she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Girls should come with a carfax report
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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