dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
