omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
