Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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