Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
