That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She's the barista slut.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
