If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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