before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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