She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
