Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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