did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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