She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
