he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
