I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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