i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
