At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize