I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
