You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
