Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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