I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
