Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
