..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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