Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
