I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
