sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
