Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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