Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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