I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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