i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
