apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
