Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My bed smells like the plague
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
