There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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