Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
