You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
