i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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