2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
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