Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize