fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
