um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
