Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
