Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
