rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
