yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
