You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
