Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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