capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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