She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
