I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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