i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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