He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
