Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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