The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I think i got beer on your cat.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
