O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
