You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
