Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
