apparently the secret to your success is patron
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
