first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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