how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
