i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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