whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
