My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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