I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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