I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
two words: eviction party
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
